My mother and sister returned recently from their trip abroad to the U.K. Nestled in their pack of usual souvenirs (T-Shirts, Snow Globes, Statues) was possibly the most coolest/nastiest/vomit-inducing gift I’ve ever received.
I speak about Stahly Quality Foods Vegetarian Haggis.
What’s in Stahly Quality Foods Vegetarian Haggis you ask?
Britishsupermarket.com says it’s “made with the finest ingredients, including rutabaga, kidney beans, lentils, mushrooms, onions, peanuts, almonds, walnuts, oats, salt, and spices.“
And how does it taste? RFT St. Louis says:
“How does it taste? A lot like haggis.
That is to say: Not very good.
Something else is wrong with this can of Stahly Quality Foods Vegetarian Haggis. The side of the can reassures potential purchasers that it contains “vegetarian skinless haggis made with the finest ingredients.” What was that? Skinless? What skin are we talking about? Onion skin?
What’s worse, the other side of the can informs us that this vegetarian haggis packs all the fatty punch of its offal ancestor. A mere half-cup packs a walloping 25 grams of fat — that’s 38 percent of the RDA. Put another way, for every 280 calories of Stahly Quality Foods Vegetarian Haggis, 220 of those calories come from fat.”
Based on that review, I’m now convinced my family is secretly trying to kill me. Maybe they’re more upset about me moving to Chicago than I thought? Maybe some RA Sushi employees paid them to snuff me once and for all? Or maybe the International Haggis World Coalition has a more sinister agenda: Wipe out the vegetarians!
Without opening it, I have a few thoughts on Stahly Quality Foods Vegetarian Haggis. The sound from the can when shaken sounds like slightly watery beans. The slurping and slushing of the liquid is a fairly ominous one.
Second, I’m a little disturbed by the fact that when you actually shake the can it gets cold. What kind of insidious coolant system makes us that liquid?
Am I still going to at least TRY it? Hells yeah. I mean, I think I HAVE to at least give it the ol’ college try. I just need to find the right recipe to tackle what may be the most disgusting thing I’ve ever eaten.