I walked into 7-11 yesterday and did my normal stroll around the candy and chip aisle when I discovered something so terrifying that I knew that I had to buy them.
Doritos is at it again. Another mystery bag. Another mystery flavor. The catch? This time, the flavor is just the beginning. So, unlike last time when the flavor felt like one last cruel joke that life was playing on you before your personal end, they’re practically telling you what the flavor is if you go to the website on the front of the bag (www.snackstrongproductions.com).
No, the big deal this time is not become a flavor taster for the company. This time you have a chance to win $100,000. They’ve set up a Myst-like puzzle game at the website. Currently, only the first chapter is unlocked for play. It looks like the next chapter will be unlocked at midnight on Memorial Day. The cool thing about the contest is you actually can see how many people have made it as far as you have. When my good friend Chris and I finished the end of chapter one, it told us we were the 1700 or so person to make it this far. At the beginning, we were just one in a Dorito army over 4K strong.
The quest appears much harder than they are. Or, more likely, I tend to over think things. By the time the last puzzle came up, a drawing full of squares, triangles, and numbers, I was trying to figure out the values of missing angles and line lengths. Over a decade in honors and advanced placement classes will do that to a brain. I’ve been trained to look for the deepest answer possible. I tend to forgot Dr. House’s number one rule: Occam’s Razor. Wait. That’s his number two rule. His number one rule is everybody lies.
Occam’s Razor basically says, the simplest answer is usually the correct one. And I’m sure he’d be glad to know that his theory holds true, even against such modern technology as a Doritos flash based web site. A life’s work to solve a game about corn chips. That’s exactly what he was hoping for, I’m sure.
The games are basically variances of Simon, Mastermind, and code breaking. There’s no math involved. Keep it simple!
But more important than $100,000 is, “How did the chips taste? What’s the magical flavor? Did they make a nice Potato Salad Dorito to go along with their ass-tastic Cheeseburger debacle X-13D?”
Well, yes and no. The flavor definitely isn’t as out there as those X-13D chips I wrote about oh so long ago. But, in the scheme of things, it does make a nice companion piece to those Cheeseburger chips. Upon opening the bag, the initial smell taste revealed little. They smelled like Cool Ranch Doritos. But once you taste them, it’s like someone threw an entire lime at your face. There was no denying the citrus on these corn chips.
We originally decided that they were obviously margarita Doritos, or Margaritos as we coined them. But, we were quite wrong. Heading over to the Quest website, we were told to enter our guess into the cryptex on the screen. We tried margarita to no avail. Lemon lime? Nope. But then we noticed the hint at the top of the screen was spelling out the flavor for us.
The answer? Moutain Dew.
Yes. That’s right. Soak it in. Somewhere deep within the earth’s crust are scientists who are no creating hybrid snack foods. Chips are being bred with soda. Nature is crying. Up next? Chili Cheese Frito Sierra Mist.
But, here’s the thing. They’re not that bad. They taste NOTHING like Mountain Dew. I don’t remember Mountain Dew carrying an over-the-top lime flavor. This tasted more like the margarita cupcakes I made a few weeks ago. But they’re not bad. They’re definitely better than the corn chips that come with just a hint of lime. But, the flavor also wears off quickly. By the time you take your last bite of a chip, there’s no flavor left. On the upside, if you’ve ever wanted to taste a naked Dorito, now is your chance. It turns out they taste like bland corn chips!
In this case, the flavor is just the beginning. It led to a fairly fun time waster for when you’re waiting for work to come in. What are the chances that you’ll win the $100K? Not good. They mention something about the first THREE people to get to the end will be given the golden idol to continue.
Maybe the rest of us will become flavor taster scientists so we can tell them to stop creating sins against nature.